Remembering in a Time of Depression
The Story of Peter
Frustration, profound frustration. We’ve all been there, perhaps you are there right now.
Before depression became known as ‘depression’ in our mental state, Peter sat with his friends on the shores of Galilee thoroughly depressed. His response, “I’m going out to fish.”[1] Nothing wrong with a good day’s work to combat depression, unless you knew better.
Jesus had told Peter that He would die. He also told him that He would come back from the dead, resurrected! Peter had seen this before in the resurrection of Martha’s brother, Lazarus. In fact, Jesus had said and done phenomenal things that should have left Peter with no doubt.
Furthermore, Peter had received specific instruction from Jesus to “stay in the city”[2] and wait for the gift of His Father, the Holy Spirit. But when you’re depressed, complying with instruction is not an easy task, especially when that instruction is to wait.
In his depression, Peter had forgotten. And before cast the first proverbial stone we too have a remarkable propensity to forget.
Now, the Old Testament is full of significant events, so Israel would not forget. For example, there were seven annual feasts, five types of offerings, the Sabbath every week, the Year of Jubilee, songs, hymns, and the Torah.
One particular feature of the Torah is Passover, the feast of remembrance deep in Israelite history. It is here where Moses where instructs the Israelites to answer a question that each generation will ask about Passover: “What does this mean?”[3] Each year, every father would gather his family around the table and remember Passover through food and storytelling, so their children would not forget that it was God who set them free from slavery to the Egyptians.
There was also the practice of setting up memorial stones that commemorate significant events, so people never forgot. For example, Jacob set up stones where he saw a stairway into heaven at Bethel.[4] Years later he returned with his family and set up an altar there. Then there was Joshua who asked each tribe of Israel to bring a stone to Gilgal where they crossed River Jordan so they would not forget God.[5] Also, Samuel set up a large stone he called Ebenezer meaning ‘The stone of help’ to remember how God delivered Israel from the hand of the Philistines.[6] Each commemoration prevented a memory becoming a fleeting thought.
Let’s go back to Peter.
When Jesus called Peter to follow him, Peter was fishing with his brothers. But alas, he caught nothing. Jesus told Peter to go into the deeper water where he would find a huge catch of fish. In one last effort, Peter took that instruction albeit a bit reluctantly. He caught so many fish his nets were breaking. Jesus said, “From now on you will catch men.”[7]
Jesus marked Peter’s calling with this significant event of a miraculous catch of fish.
About three years later, Peter is at the end of himself. Jesus had been crucified and buried, and he had denied Jesus his friend. When Peter said, “I’m going out to fish” he had forgotten his calling to be a fisher of men. Not surprisingly, he caught no fish until the resurrected Jesus said, “Cast you nets on the other side of the boat.”[8] Peter caught another large haul of fish. When he realized it was Jesus who gave him that instruction, he threw off his cloak and jumped into the water and made straight for Jesus. It was the same miracle that marked his calling that now marked his reinstatement as a disciple of Jesus.
When you forget what God has said, He reminds us almost always in the same context that we first heard Him. For example, the day you really stopped worshipping the God, He may take you back to that song you loved to sing. Pending how long your worship has been non-existent, it may be an old song.
We need these moments of anamnesis to remember.
The word ‘anamnesis’ is used in the medical field and the theological world. It means to ‘go back’ ‘recollect’ ‘remember’. For example, people with head trauma who cannot remember their own name will, at some point, have moments of intense anamnesis when they remember. The act of remembering is triggered with something that stimulates any of the five senses: sight, smell, taste, touch, or hearing.
For instance, someone with dementia who seems to have lost almost all memory can hear a song and it functions like a door to remembering. In that moment, memory returns for at least for a while.
Can you imagine, then, what was happening in Peter when he caught those fish. That was his trigger, so when he heard that it was Jesus on the shore, he did something that may seem irrational at first glance. He threw off his cloak and jumped into the water. In those days, a cloak was a man’s bed, his shelter, and protective covering. This is why Jesus said to the 72 disciples he sent out to take a cloak with them.[9] It is also why the soldiers at the foot of the cross cast lots for Jesus’ cloak.[10] However, what seemed irrational at first glance reveals the joy and sense of purpose as Peter remembered, “I will make you a fisher of men.”
Remembering can be an animating experience.
Anamnesis in the theological world is experienced through liturgical worship, and it can be very animating especially during the Eucharist. Paul wrote, “For as often as you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until he comes.”[11] We join that proclamation in the liturgy of the Eucharist: Christ has died, Christ has risen, Christ will come again!
Remember, liturgy means ‘the work of the people’ so as we engage with liturgy, we contributing to the experience. Liturgy is full of prayers, creeds, and songs all composed by Scripture. However, the authority of Scripture is far less about how we read it than how it reads us. This is because the Bible is not about our search for God, but God’s pursuit of us seen in His redemptive story.
God never forgets His love for us, but we do.
When the Scriptures are read in a church service, we subconsciously ask, “Is this true?” We want it to be true because it speaks to our very existence. Unless we are paying attention to what is being read in Scripture, like spiritual dementia, we forget and begin to ask, “Do I matter?” “Do I make a difference?” “Am I valued?” “Am I needed?” Now, to some degree, people do come to church looking for the connection between God and an explanation of their own life and circumstances. There is nothing wrong with that.
But here is where a pleasant irony emerges.
People come to church wanting to be understood, accepted, valued, and taken seriously. But what’s actually happening in a church service is the quite the other way around. As the Holy Spirit broods over the congregation, The Spirit asks each heart in the congregation, “Does God matter to you?” “Does God really make a difference to you?” “Do you value Him?” “Do you want to understand Him?” “Do you want to accept Him?”
Any human prospect in human hands is never a great outcome but in God’s hands the outcome is a great catch of fish! In this sense, God waits for us.
We arrive to church with expectation only to find God has already arrived and is waiting for us..
We come to church with our questions only to be confronted by far more profound questions.
We bring to church our hopes and desires only to be met with a prior and deeper yearning.
We come to church seeking answers only to discover God is seeking us because He loves first.
We arrive at church wanting to know what’s going off in our lives only to discover we are already known.
We come wanting to understand realizing we are already understood.
In each church service, God moves in on us through the liturgy of worship in all our forgetfulness. The problem is not that we cannot find God but that we cannot escape him just like Peter, “I’m going out to fish.”
Pray through the first six verses of Psalm 103 with me:
“Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.”
Amen.
[1] John 21:3.
[2] Luke 24:49
[3] Exodus 13:14.
[4] Genesis 31:45-47.
[5] Joshua 4.
[6] 1 Samuel 7:12.
[7] Matthew 4:19.
[8] John 21:6.
[9] Luke 10:1-23.
[10] Luke 23:24.
[11] 1. Corinthians 11:26.