S11: The Waiting Room

E2: The Unwanted Experience of Doubt

Conflict of faith and doubt are a necessary irritation to the soul. The irritation presents itself as an unavoidable chafing to the soul when we pray. As such, we are haunted by the words, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief” (Mark 9:24). But dare we admit it? If we do, the result of doubt aggravating faith quite often forms the most beautiful pearl of possibilities, in that, “Everything is possible for one who believes” (Mark 9:23). In the waiting room between the ascension of Christ and His return, we face moments of crisis where doubt unwantedly rubs against our faith. Embrace it.      

All over the world, people will light the second of four Advent candles known as the Bethlehem Candle representing our Christian faith. The scene painted for us in Scripture is Mary and Joseph traveling to Bethlehem where Christ was born. They are unmarried, she is heavily pregnant, and Joseph admittedly not the biological father. Though we tend embellish this scene with fluffy niceness, in all probability, there must have been considerable chafing in both of their souls.

We don’t want doubt, we want faith, even great faith. So, we talk about faith in terms of fluffy and nice. Nevertheless, doubt is right there standing beside faith especially when we pray.  

I may be the only one calling it out during Advent – I sincerely hope not – but I’m more than weary of the theatrical, performative, and engineered faith of positive thinking, visualizing, and power-playing sermons that appeal more to our psychological state than the soul. Now, I don’t want to sound like Ebenezer Scrooge, but I do align myself with the man who approached Christ with the duality of faith and doubt, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief”. Such honesty fashions, shapes, and develops a pearl of possibilities that ultimately increases and deepens faith. Without the chafing all we have is a mush fluffy and nice.

The disciples could do nothing for the conflicted man which is puzzling. They had just experienced the transfiguration of Christ where Moses and Elijah appeared with Him. Furthermore, the disciples heard the voice of God speak from a glorious cloud that enveloped them. A truly marvelous and spiritually heightening experience. However, their faith was impotent, unable to help the man aggravated by faith and doubt over his child who needed a miracle.

Spiritually ecstatic experiences rarely build faith, but the chafing of doubt against faith does. 

We can imitate Christ,[1] have the attitude of Christ,[2] be conformed to Christ,[3] and abide in Christ,[4] but one thing is absolutely certain, we are not Christ. Though it may sound absurd to say so, consider what engineered faith does for someone’s leadership image. It looks and sounds very Christlike in terms of “follow me” but nothing at all like the fullness of Christ[5] where the soul contends for faith!  

You see, Christ is efficacious, and we are not.   

What I mean is that in Him all the promises of God are “yes” and “amen”[6] whereas we have broken more promises than we care to remember. We could not deliver on our own word. However, Christ has the authority and power to deliver on what He has said. There is no shadow of doubt in Him, but there is in us.

Our prayers are necessary, conditional, and with the element of uncertainty. We cannot physically see God or hear Him, but by faith we believe in Him according to Scripture.[7] Even so, we can be momentarily distracted in prayer by doubt. Christ, however, is never distracted.

As the mediator of a new covenant of peace in His own body and blood[8], Christ intercedes for us.[9] But He does not plead on our behalf before a reluctant Father that needs convincing. Neither is Christ uncertain in his mediation. If that was the case, it would have enormous and undermining consequences on the assurance of our salvation.[10] Also, Christ has no caveats – stipulations or limitations – when he intercedes for us. If His intercession was conditional, it would have catastrophic effect on the redeeming power of His own blood.[11]

God has already been convinced “who reconciled us to Himself through Christ”.[12] It is us who need to be convinced. Be honest, like the man who was struggling between faith and doubt we tend sign off on our prayer with “if you can do anything” (Mark 9:22). Isn’t it interesting that Christ used the same words as the man in His reply, but with a much different and maybe challenging intonation, “If you can?” (Mark 9:23). Of course, He could! 

When faith and doubt chafe in the soul, there is more at work than we first acknowledge. For example, all the interactions Christ had with people it appears that what and where something happened far less inconsequential than who it happened to. I can imagine the expression on the face of Christ when He said, “If I can?” I’m sure it was not one of offence or anger, but one of delightful opportunity and something the man would never forget.

Christ has not changed, and God does not need to be convinced by Him, but we are changed when doubt agitates faith in the soul forming peals of possibilities, or as Christ said, “Everything is possible for one who believes.” The chafing produces a deeper faith, or as some put it, we have skin in the game. I’m not trying to reduce the struggle that hope brings to the drowning man or make light of doubt presenting itself alongside faith. King David put it this way, “weeping may may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5). We are fully involved in the experience of faith.    

So, don’t quit on unwanted irritation in the soul. It occurs for a reason. Let me leave you with a prayer from St. Augustine (354-430 AD)

“I believe in you, O Lord, Almighty, infinitely wise, and supremely good; true and faithful to your promises, yes, even truth itself. You have made me in your image; you have redeemed me with your precious blood; you sanctify me with your ever-renewing presence. Lord, I believe; help my unbelief. Amen.

[1] 1 Cor. 11:1.

[2] Phil. 2:5.

[3] Rom. 8:29.

[4] 1 John 2:6.

[5] Col. 2:9.

[6] 2 Cor. 1:20.

[7] Heb. 11:1.

[8] Heb. 9:15

[9] Rom. 8:24.

[10] 1 John 5:13.

[11] Heb. 12:24.

[12] 2 Cor. 5:18.